ReMarkables IIII

Another installment of ReMarkables! What are ReMarkables? Just some short clips throughout my week put together one episode - working out, just random thoughts, what is going on this week, etc. 

Today's ReMarkables includes my friend Kimberly. She shares some bathroom commentary. Be warned, there is language and if you are grossed out by bathroom humor feel free to skip over. 

Intro music by Coma-Media obtained from Royalty-free music on Pixabay.

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Transcript

Carol Marks: 0:23

Hello, Hello, good morning. This is Carol, with more remarks podcast. And this is another episode of remarkables. It's where I put together a bunch of little clips that I recorded during the week and put them together in one episode for you, and it's basically just me doing my cool down walks telling you what's happening this week. And all that. This remarkables episode however, you are going to be hearing from Kimberly. Kimberly is a friend of mine, an acquaintance a friend. And she when I put out the call for people to send me small, short little clips of what they whatever they want to talk about to put on the remarkables episode, she was the first one to chime in. I will just warn you right now, there is some language in it. So if you have small children listening in the car while you drive, you may want to skip over it. And if you are offended or grossed out by bathroom commentary, then I would probably pass over it too. However, if you're into humor and want to laugh, then please give this a listen. And so she will be on a little bit later. On this episode. I'll put her in the chapter markers in case you want to skip over all this other stuff. But it will be probably be called Kimberly's bathroom

Carol: 2:10

adventures or something like that. Well,

Carol Marks: 2:14

let's say oh, I worked out this morning. I took pretty much the whole week off last week. I had become accustomed to just waking up late in the morning, drinking my coffee with creamer. Lots of creamer. cup after cup, I would stay in bed, drinking my coffee, watching TV, not getting out of bed, not doing the things that I said I was going to do. And so this week, it's has changed. I'm going to start doing the things I said it was going to do. I have a new planner. It starts in November. I have mapped out some things that I want to do on a daily basis in the mornings. I set my alarm for 730 this morning and got up and I didn't go back to bed as soon as my feet hit the floor. I did not go back to bed, made the bed. I got up, got dressed, walked the dog, jack jack. He's doing fine. He's doing better. And here we come up on the bumper says so that means I'm almost home and I will let you go. Good morning, everyone.

Unknown: 3:41

It is now

Carol Marks: 3:43

November 5 Thursday. And I've worked out in the garage today. I wasn't supposed to it's supposed to be a rest day or active rest day for the programming that I am signed up for. However, I did not work out Tuesday or Wednesday. So all I did was 30 minutes of rowing. Nothing strenuous. But I felt like I had to do and wanted to do something I have gained so much weight y'all plus, I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to figure out what is going on with this breathing that I am having troubles with. My grandfather had emphysema. My father has COPD and sarcoidosis. And from what I read sarcoidosis is hereditary. Anyway, the last six months, my breathing has just not been right. I can't explain it. So I'm gonna go to doctor and try to explain it to the doctor. That's not really really work. That's not really what I came on to talk about. I just wanted to say hello. And I think the next clip is going to be my friend Kimberly. With her remarkables. Again, I will put out the warning that there is language and the topic

Unknown: 5:08

is

Carol Marks: 5:11

a I don't know how to describe it. I'll just put if you don't like bathroom humor If you are grossed out by bathroom, bathroom humor, then you may want to skip over. I thought it was funny. I thought it was funny. I thought it was hilarious. And she is a great storyteller. So here is Kimberly.

Kimberly: 5:38

Hey, Carol Sue. This is Kimberly. And I just want to tell you a little bit about the day that I almost died giving birth to retired. And I hope that it brings y'all some sort of laughter maybe or it might frickin disgust you. I don't know. I mean, whatever. It is one of my favorite stories because I literally thought I was going to die. On the commode in my bathroom. It was the most god awful thing I've ever experienced. So you've had kids, but some people may not be aware that a lot of the time when you're pregnant, you are very easily constipated. Well, number one, if you've never been constipated before, it feels like you're dying bike to the depths of your soul. You would do anything? To take a shit. Like, what would you do for a Klondike bar? What would I do to be able to take a shit without almost passing out for pushing so hard? By literally no lie? So I was constipated for my prenatal vitamins. Okay. I am at work on a Saturday, a beautiful sunshiny day outside. And it's about 10 minutes until closing and I'm sitting here thinking I've got a shit. So I'm like, I'm not about to do it up in here. Because I know what's gonna happen. It's gonna take me 45 minutes to take a dump and I'm gonna be locked inside and have to call somebody and be like, Hey, I'm stuck in the bathroom taking a poop. So I held it. You know, probably not the best idea. But I held it. Drove as fast as I could on the way home and ran inside. excited because I thought this is it. It's going to come out like super easy and it's going to be the best poop of this pregnancy. Honey, let me tell you. I got in that bathroom. having contractions Okay, I'm telling you what, I had more contractions with this shit than I did with my second child. Okay, it hurt worse having this shit than my second child who I had epidural free. No medicine afterwards. Nothing. This shit takes the cake. Okay. I'm sweating. I'm about to pass out. I got two marks. I'm Korean been hurt. I got my legs stretched out pushing against the wall trying to get this book and thing out. Okay, I think at this point, this is it. I'm going to have an aneurism from trying to push this turd out. One hour, and 27 minutes later, I give birth. To what? I don't know. I mean, I don't know what the hell it was. It was like a fucking tree stump. Okay, hard as a rock. Like compacted. I don't even know like, how it came out of my body. But it did. And I'm dying. Okay, so I get it out. I'm like feeling a little bit better. You know that I finally got this demon spawn turd out of my body. And I try to flesh. So it would not go down like it would not fucking flesh at all. It wasn't moving. So I keep trying. And I'm waiting patiently. I'm still like stressing out, you know? Because, I mean, it was just me and my husband at home and our I think Ava was like to just us three at home, but I'm like stressing out, you know, thinking, oh my god, I'm gonna tear the plumbing up with this turd. And so finally, I was like, Okay, I'm gonna try one more time. If it don't go down. I'm just screwed. Like the damn thing wouldn't even break in half, you know, wouldn't swirl or anything. I mean, it was awful. So I'm panicking. As if things weren't bad enough. And I had like a, you know, an episiotomy around my asshole. Yeah, I had to fish my own shit out of the commode. Put it in a bag and take it out to the dumpster. Oh, yeah, it was great. It was good fun. But in all honesty, like seriously, if you are pregnant, and you are getting, like constipated or anything, take some fucking fiber pills because taking a shit sometimes is worse than giving birth. Just a heads up. Thanks, Carol.

Carol Marks: 10:36

Well, I hope you enjoyed that little clip that little remarkables from Kimberly.

Unknown: 10:42

It's out there forever now.

Carol Marks: 10:46

I'm also participating in blog like crazy this month. My blog post out today is titled, what I will miss. And please don't get saved as morbid or anything. It's actually from a essay an essay from Nora Ephron. She created a couple of lists what I will miss and what I won't miss. So it just inspired me to make my own. Go check it out at Carol remarques.com Okay, anyway, have a good weekend. Bye.