An Americanist Briefing
Welcome to An Americanist Daily, your go-to solo podcast for a quick and snarky dive into the current events and politics shaping our nation! As a daily extension of the An Americanist blog, I’m here to break down the headlines that matter—Monday through Friday—without the fluff and filler.
In each bite-sized episode, I tackle the latest political news, dissect current events, and share my unfiltered thoughts, all with a sprinkle of humor and a touch of sass. From legislative shenanigans to social issues stirring the pot, I’ll keep you informed and entertained in just a few minutes each day.
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An Americanist Briefing
Hot Takes and Coffee Buckets: The Chaos Edition
Have you ever woken up feeling completely off-center for no apparent reason? That's exactly where today's journey begins—with raw honesty about those moments when restlessness, irritability, and discontent take over despite our best intentions.
Rather than dwelling in this emotional turbulence, we pivot to gratitude as an anchor and humor as medicine. We share a collection of "How hot is it?" jokes that range from chickens laying hard-boiled eggs to the truly Southern image of a fundamental Baptist removing his tie due to extreme heat. These moments of levity provide necessary relief before diving into more serious waters.
The episode takes an unflinching look at disturbing current events, including the shocking details behind a Delta pilot's arrest for horrific child abuse charges. This segment contrasts sharply with the lighter stories that follow—like the suspicious wife who discovered her husband's infidelity through their shared digital bathroom scale's memory log. We round out our storytelling with a look at the latest trending coffee phenomenon: oversized "coffee buckets" that have taken social media by storm, sparking debate about whether they're ridiculous gimmicks or justifiable indulgences.
We close with a thought-provoking question that lingers long after the episode ends: Who would you want to narrate the book of your life? This seemingly simple query opens the door to deeper reflections about how we perceive ourselves, how we wish to be understood by others, and the voices we find most resonant with our personal stories. Share your answers and join the conversation about whose voice would best capture the essence of your unique journey through life.
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Alright, hello, good morning. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I'm restless, irritable and discontent and don't know why. Well, I think I know why, but there's really nothing I can do about it, so it's just gonna have to pass. I'll get over it, it'll be fine, it'll be fine, everything's. I have really a lot to be grateful for. I'm grateful for. I really do so. I will concentrate on that and we're going to get on with the topic of the day. First, we're going to do some jokes.
Speaker 1:How hot is it? Well, let's see, it's so hot. Outside the chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs, ha ha. It's so hot outside the crackheads are putting the copper back in the AC units. That's from SoaringEagle45, also known as Simple man. Let's see who else came up with some. It's so hot outside From Giblets. One time it was so hot. How hot was it? It was so hot that the corn started popping. The old mule thought it was snowing and froze to death. That's from Hee Haw, late 60s, early 70s. I think there was another one up here that I reposted. Oh, this is from Mike Johnson's. Let's see Mike Johnson's travel agent. It's so hot, I saw a fundamental Baptist take off his tie. That is hilarious. If you're from the South, you know that's a great one.
Speaker 1:All right, so we're going to move on to. We're going to start with a serious story and then go on. Then stop with the gimmicky, as Giblet's called the one story about coffee buckets. He says it's gimmicky. I agree, but I don't care, I would buy one.
Speaker 1:All right, first up the serious charge. The serious story first. You know I talked about that Delta pilot that was arrested soon after he landed. That the ICE people just came up on that plane and dragged his ass out of there. Well, now we know why. We knew why before it was some kind of a sexual assault. But now we know more of the story and it's horrendous. And why was ICE involved in this? I don't get why ICE was involved, but his ex-girlfriend, his ex-girlfriend of Delta pilot, arrested on plane, is also charged with joining in the abuse of her daughter. So it was her daughter and she participated. Oh my God, this is sickening.
Speaker 1:The ex-girlfriend of a Delta Airlines pilot, hauled off a plane to be charged with child sex crimes, has also been arrested, accused of joining in the pilot's alleged abuse of her daughter, starting when the girl was just six. This is disgusting and disturbing. Jennifer Powell, who is 45, was charged Tuesday with allegedly joining her ex, rustem Bagawar, in sexually abusing her daughter, who did not live with her from when the girl was six until she was 11. The mom not only knew her daughter was being abused, she watched and even participated. Oh, that's gross. I just want to puke all over everything.
Speaker 1:So this Baguar 34 was detained in shocking scenes Saturday when federal agents swarmed the plane when it landed in San Francisco, removing him from the cockpit in handcuffs. And remember one of the passengers said oh, it's just so disturbing to see people disappearing in front of you like this. Well, bitch, this is why Take him off the plane. Throw him in prison for life, get him get. Get rid of him. Just go get them off the scum, get it, get it. Get this scum off the earth.
Speaker 1:Okay, moving on the next room, the next weird story. That is bathroom scales. Helps suspicious wife figure out husband is cheating. This is expert level sleuthing. This is from the New York post. This is bizarre. I didn't know this was a thing that you have. This is like crazy stuff right here. This smart scales. Why would you need a digital thing to your phone for your way. I don't get how this is connected. I don't understand how you have a digital scale, but you can log into it from your phone and read why. I don't understand, but that's beside the point, all right, a woman's digital scale didn't just track pounds. It may have tipped the scales on her marriage. Haha, and not not really funny.
Speaker 1:But in a viral reddit post, a suspicious wife claims she uncovered late night weigh-ins on their shared digital scale while she was away and her cheating husband was supposedly flying solo at their condo. I checked the digital scale's memory out of curiosity and it showed two unassigned weigh-ins at exactly 120 pounds, logged at 1225 am and 1226 am. Back to back, she wrote under the handle Okay, well, whatever, for context, I do not weigh 120 pounds and I was not there on that date, just my husband, uh-huh, sure, just your husband. The couple had already separated after the husband's past infidelity but agreed not to see other people while working on themselves. Well, okay, so this fella has already had issues with being loyal to his wife. Well, you can go finish reading that. I just don't understand that. I didn't know there was such a thing. All this smart technology, why would I want to log into my scale. I know how much I weigh. Why would I need to log into it and look at the stuff on? I don't understand this at all. All right, maybe you guys do, but I don't, all right.
Speaker 1:The next one is the gimmicky thing about giblets. About giblets, that's not what I meant. The story is about these coffee buckets. But giblets said this seems gimmicky. He says I'm, I'm, i'ma make my own hot coffee at home and put it in a travel mug kind of guy. I get it. I know most guys are. They don't most guys. This is for women. Okay, I get it. Okay.
Speaker 1:So the headline is coffee buckets are the latest kooky caffeine trend. For jittery java junkies, I'd be on the toilet for days. Why does that have to be in the headlines? No, you wouldn't be on the toilet for days. You build up a tolerance. I promise that's a whole lot of java. The latest cookie caffeine trend to take hold among friends fiends is bigger than ever. Literally Venti, trenta. No longer big enough.
Speaker 1:This summer everyone's turning to coffee buckets Clear, colossally sized plastic takeout carriers, filled with jitter-making iced joe and complete with a handle for carrying ease. Who writes these things? And look, I see a picture of it. It's not that big, okay, all right, giblets, I know that's going to be the quote that you're going to pull out. I've seen pictures. It's not that big, okay, let's see. Tiktokers, predictably, can't get enough. Coffee bucket tagged vids are rooming up the charts on the popular social media app, reeling in millions of views. One six-second clip showing off one of the supersized sippers pulled in 4.3 million alone. So that's, I think, a whole different story. Oh my gosh, these are very large, and while the 32 to 50 ounce drink drums are supposedly shareable no, you ain't. No, I'm not sharing my coffee with you they're often showed online being enjoyed solo.
Speaker 1:If you can afford the steep price, which can reportedly reach as high as $15 a pop, depending on where you buy, yes is the answer. I would pay $15 for this. I would Look. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, okay, I would get this, okay, so wow, and they have pictures of them. They really don't look that large, quite frankly.
Speaker 1:All right, we need to move on to the question of the day. Okay, here's a fairly easy question, I think. Who would you want to narrate a book about your life? All right, that's the question of the day. I need to think about that. I'm not sure who I would want to narrate a book about my life. That's the question of the day. I need to think about that. I'm not sure who I would want to narrate a book about my life. I don't know. I have to think about that because I don't know. Not a lot of famous female voices out there. All right, got to go. Thanks for listening. Who would you pick for me? Who would you pick to narrate my book? Okay, anyway, whatever, got to go. Thanks for listening. Love you Bye.
